Stoprelapsing

Does anyone else here have a chronic illness but hasn't relapsed, or has found a way to cope?

I was in recovery for quite a while.

I now have an illness that pretty much leaves me bedbound most days. I have some kind of symptom every day, from dizziness to fatigue to brain fog. No medication has helped.

The first year, I maintained my sobriety and was fairly pragmatic about it. The second year, I started to struggle with constantly feeling like this, especially as I am alone in bed most daytimes and my only companion, my cat, died. I had some short relapses. The third year, I was a complete mess - my relapses were getting longer and longer.

Now going into the fourth year, I am despairing and depressed. I don't trust myself not to drink.

I have basically lost almost everything - my career (which I loved, as I was helping others), my independence, my mobility. I can't even make a meal because my dizziness is so bad. I can rarely have friends round, as I find it difficult to shower and am a stinky mess most of the time.

I feel useless, purepurposeless, guilty, hopeless, overwhelmed. lonely - you name it.

My drinking is making me iller and iller but I feel I have little to live for.

I have just signed up with a counsellor (luckily, he does evenings, so my partner can drive me there). I don't know if it will help.

Does anyone else have chronic illness like this, and how do you stay sober? Thank you.