4MyBoys

I feel bad posting because I don't want to scare others leaving an A if you have kids but I need to talking to people who might understand.

I left my XAH 6 years ago when my boys were 3 and 7. My story is way too long to repost but my leaving has not been the end of the stress. I would not EVER go back but it has been a rocky road. I had about a year when he was doing AA and it was actually quite good but everything is in ruins again.

My older son, 15, has not spoken or seen my XAH in about 13 months because of a court order because of verbal and the starting of physical abuse , at the time we couldn't prove he was drinking. The courts said my younger soon 9 now 10 gets limited visitation because the courts felt they had a different relationship.

There is a bunch in between, including a DUI last June, but here is the recent.

My son was acting out at school. (My XAH still had visitation, even with a DUI) I got 3-4 calls that week from the principal, acting out. I sat him down to see what was going on. I thought maybe some new friends. He said his Dad made him promise not to tell me something. Long story short, after a lot of guessing so he wouldn't feel as guilty as telling me, I guessed., it turns out my XAH, who is an retired police officer, was showing my son a new shotgun, in the house. While XAH was holding it, he pulled the trigger because he forgot he had loaded it, and blew a hole in the fireplace. All while sitting next to my 10 year old. I made my son promise not to tell or something very bad would happen.

My DS told me he though Dad was drinking again because he would not let my son in the fridge and was using a lot of the visits to yell at him for stupid stuff.

I currently have No Visitation Ex Parte Orders. but I also have an XAH who shows up for a visit anyway and pounds on the door until I call the police. The police are very aware of him, it turns out. He knew exactly who my X was. He insisted I call the town my X lives in to report the gunshot. I do and after speaking with my son a report is filed and a call made to CPS.

Right now, I am juggling: 2 police departments, a minor's council, the school, CPS, my son's emotions, my emotions, and my XAH's crazy texts blaming my for everything.

Everyone is trying to help but it is all so slow. My XAH is representing himself and keeps slowing everything down.

I'm tired you guys.

I keep hearing how strong I am for the kids, but I just want to run away. I keep thinking of the saying, "GOD only gives you what you can handle." But I think that isn't true. You just don't have an option sometimes, you just keep going whether you want to or not.