HairlessGnu

Good day everyone. I was recently introduced to this forum by my girlfriend with a link to this site that she provided via text. She told me I was part of the "Class of February" - and I had no idea what she was speaking of, so I decided to check things out around here. This is obviously my first post, and the first online forum I have taken the time to actually read and ponder what I was hearing during my struggle. After browsing through much of the information found here and reading stories and replies from so many unique individuals and their circumstances, I would just like to say that a forum like this may be just what the doctor ordered for me and express my thanks to those who run and participate in this site.

I've been on quite the journey for the last couple of years with the battle against grandpa's old cough medicine. Typically, every other day I would find myself throwing down (one fifth of liquor at a time) due to many of the same reasons discussed here. Stress from multiple areas of life. Needed the escape; only to find multiple facets of my life and family being torn to virtual shreds on the days between my drinking crusade (when I would at least sober up enough to carry on an aimless conversation that I could have a moderate recollection of). I made a conscious decision at the first of this year (as a resolution) to make significant changes in 2018. And I'm doing better, as I just completed 18 days without a drop -- but had a slip up last week. And I'm back to day 6 now. 23 out of 24 days is quite an achievement for me considering where I've been, and I have essentially accomplished this with nothing but sheer willpower on my own. No AA. No treatment. No therapy. No literature. No online forums. Nothing. Just stubborn ole me.

The reason I say this may be just what the doctor ordered is because I finally opened my mind up enough to listen while reading here, and I found myself tremendously enlightened and encouraged by many of you. As a type A personality, a professional business man and musician, a self-proclaimed intellectual, and so on, I have consistently been reluctant to speak to anyone about this. I went to an AA meeting once, and found it boring to the point that I almost went to sleep, not to mention, unhelpful. I probably shouldn't have given up so easy. Maybe should have tried another group. But I was always afraid I would see someone I knew and word would get out, not to mention, I just didn't find the info valuable at the time because I just wasn't ready to quit, as well as it being a pride thing.

Like many, I desperately want to manage this on my own. I maintain this issue as the most classified area of my life because I feel I have so much to lose. But do I? I've enjoyed success in life, but recently I have lost two good/stable jobs due to this one obstacle I've not been able to shake. Struggling mentally, emotionally, spiritually, socially and financially is now where I find myself, which is a place I've never really had to deal with in my 40 years on the earth.

Miraculously, I did get some good news during this war I'm engaged in (separate from the great partner I have who supports me indiscriminately). As a lifelong aspiring musician, I have recently been presented the opportunity to accomplish many of my lifelong dreams as a musician by being offered a position with a Grammy Award winning group. Only one thing stands between myself and achieving multiple dreams; the ever-elusive sobriety. And I fiercely want to get to the point where I can sustain it long-term, not just for this gig, or money, fame, etc, but for my own health, family and sanity. While I'm closer than I've been in a long time, I still feel like I am so far away from where I need to be and where I want to go.

I plan on hanging around here as a regular and perhaps getting to know some of you. Being here today already TKO'd my urge to grab the bottle, so I sure do hope for more of the same. I can really be a stubborn mule at times in so many ways, and I recognize that (and sometimes need to be reminded of it), so maybe you guys can help me with that. This is the first online forum of this type I have ever posted on or participated in, and honestly, part of just the mere participation feels somewhat liberating today -- and that's likely because unlike that one meeting I squeamishly attended, I am ready for real change now. I am happy that I heeded the call to direction here and look forward to the interaction -- and to being a part of what I have concluded to be such a promising and supportive group.