Hi Stewy
declarations are not action. I'm sorry but thats the truth.
You've declared before that today was the day you'd go to bed sober and take your life back - and its true you have managed a sober day or two here and there....
but it's not lasting , man.
I think, over and over, you're trying to make an immense change without actually changing anything.
I did the same for years. I wanted to live my life unchanged and just not drink, when daily drinking was a cornerstone of that life....
You're doomed to failure that way.
I don't know what else will help.
You might have to attend AA, you might have to see your Dr and ask for help, you might have to go to rehab no matter how inconvenient or humiliating that might be.
You may have to do a mix of all of that.
But you need to make some tangible inroads into this problem before you lose yourself forever.
D