During high times of heavy drinking bouts I would get uncontrollable muscle spasms and seizures - just like my grandmother. Unpredictable. Embarrassing. Disturbing.
It wasn't enough to stop me however. Nor were the problems with the law, the alienation of family, friends and termination of great jobs, financial losses, surrendering to the will of the courts and attorneys ...
Until one day the veil of self absorption lifted long enough for me to step out into the light of life.
I had seen a movie about a mother and father who had spent their life savings and mortgaged everything they had to care day and night for their daughter who had suffered a tragic and avoidable incident due to drinking. She died and left them with nothing but the indignity of her avoidable and untimely death.
Until that time, I truly believed I was the only person that endured the wreckage of my own mayhem. I had a change of heart and perspective.
I didn't want to do that to my folks. I thought they deserved better.
So I quit trying to kill myself.
Life is hard, but it is with good company that I enjoy and endure it.