MEP welcome!
How absolutely terrifying for your daughter.
I grew up with an A father. I knew in kindergarten/1st grade (5 or 6 yrs old) something was wrong in our family. But what was it? How could I know the words or the mechanisms? I was surrounded by adults who seemingly accepted it, got angry for sure, there could be lots of anger, threats, and rage over the years, lots of cleaning up/covering up for the alcoholic, but did any responsible adult ever just take me aside and say, "This is alcoholism, it's not your fault, but we are here and we will protect you, of course you love your father, we all love him, but that doesn't make this sickness go away, neither can his love for you make it go away, it's just a horrible horrible relentless disease." Instead I learned to tolerate (a really high tolerance too!) bad behavior, unacceptable situations, poor relationship behaviors, lying, pretending, covering up, trying to fix other people, OMG on and on. A lot of crap that I am still unraveling....
I got to witness the miracle of my Dad's recovery when I was late in my teenage years but man, the damage was done; even as my father recovered over several years, I watched my 2 older and 1 younger brothers all descend into alcoholism. My Mom is still a world champion denier and enabler, and I struggle to have an authentic relationship with her. I could never allow my sons to be alone with their Uncles, even though they are all great guys and I love them, I had found AlAnon at age 20 and I was not living in denial! An alcoholic drinks. That's what they do! In secret, or out in the open, or when they say they are not going to drink, or anyway they can! They drink. Protect the minor children, not the alcoholic adult.
Getting out of denial through AlAnon changed my life for the super de dooper better!! And that veil was thick man, and slippery. But seeing the alcoholic and their effect on the family dynamic with no illusions, was crucial to shifting the focus from their problems to my own life. How different would my childhood have been, and would my brothers all have become alcoholics, if Mom could have broken out of denial? I'll never know.
Notice I didn't say "leave him, or judge him, or stop loving him, or give up on him." She was the adult - those choices were entirely hers alone to make; but if she had just just stopped the denial and pretending, been open and honest with us children, and who knows where it would have gone from there...
We all love our Alcoholics, and if love was enough to get them sober none of us would be here.
Glad you found this crew here - we've seen it all collectively, and on SR there is lots of ES&H (experience, strength, and hope). Please do talk in age appropriate and honest ways with your daughter! My imagination only added to my confusion and terror. I would have done much better w/ the truth.
Peace,
B.