Thank you berrybean and seren for knocking some sense into me already! You are both entirely right. It’s funny how you know these things deep down but then your mind starts to play tricks on you.
And it is funny what you said seren because I’ve been through two breaks ups with my current alcoholic ex. The first time he ended it and made it out I was crazy and then the next time we got together it was the former, he gaslighted me for a long time until I finally woke up (or saw the light haha) and left him. Thanks for illuminating me once again (and sorry for the truly terrible puns!)