You mention gathering tools.
Now I’m no fanatic, nor have I ever thumped the Big Book.... but I remember being where you are more than once.
In my experience, I finally asked for a Big Book. I took it home and - despite my aversion - I read it cover to cover. And then I read it again.
There’s still some stuff in there I don’t really relate to..... but boy did I learn a lot. It gave me some tools to be sure. It also gave me one of the most powerful tools I could have; a simple ACTION I could take.
When I was tired and bored and thinking about alcohol..... I could read it. Taking action to support my sobriety.
When I was on the road for work and everyone was headed to the bar - I could retreat to my room and read that book. Action to protect my sobriety.
Those early days were the hardest and that book was a simple, physical, tangible tool I could grab onto, hold, actively use.
It also helped me gradually open to the ways I would use AA as a tool to help me stay sober.
I still am not any purist’s definition of an AA. There are parts I still don’t identify with. But without that book and that program and community I’m certain I wouldn’t be sober now over 4 years.