Jewel - just wanted to let you know you will feel better!
As for the dates - whatever helps - I have found that spending time on my own or with girlfriends was much more beneficial.
To me dinners can be completely light and non-committal - if it helps your self esteem - why not IMO. Not like you are going to marry the guy.
My story was somewhat similar - two years past breakup, I feel like XAHs revealing his real self is the best gift the universe could have given me. I am happier, son is happier - XAH sounds as miserable as ever....
That is what alcoholics do. Him telling you about AA woman smells of narcissism and triangulation. Think about it - seeing your pain is very rewarding to him - otherwise why would he share this information. It’s all about him! His struggles! His recovery! His affairs and love interests. Very typical. And there is nothing you did or did not do to cause it, and nothing you could do to change it.
XAH does exactly the same thing - telling me about many people that really appreciate him - I just respond that I am glad he is doing well and there are supportive people around him, I don’t want to get dragged into his drama. 80% of the time I don’t pick up the phone - no interest in talking to him.
Just go no contact and ignore his texts etc. keep communication strictly to the kids. Keep it structured. He made his choices and made it clear.
Sorry you are hurting - but it will get much better 😊