Alcoholics act and we react. No one can tell the drinker anything—he or she calls all the shots. Alcohol fosters an exaggerated sense of confidence and well-being, prompting the drinker to act like a little god with all the answers. At the same time the drinker becomes increasingly irrational. In response, we argue, trying to get him or her to see more realistically. It becomes essential to prove we are right. As time passes, we continue to justify our own positions, yet in the face of the alcoholic’s vehemence, we begin to doubt ourselves and our perceptions. If the alcoholic has told us that the drinking is our fault because we are so noisy or so disobedient, we become compulsively quiet or strive for perfect obedience night and day, regardless of the cost to ourselves. In time, the more confident the alcoholic seems, the more insecure we become. We begin to agree even when we know that what is being said is wrong. We do whatever is demanded of us to avoid conflict, knowing that we never seem to win any arguments or convince the alcoholic that we are right. We lose the ability to say “no."

- How Alanon Works