New here
As the saying goes ‘long time listener, first time caller’.
I’m four days sober. Wine was my poison of choice with the ‘glass while cooking’ turning into a bottle a night, that was fast heading for two bottles and more than a few evenings waking up on the sofa at 2am. At first an only at the weekend habit, became a 5 times a week and no alcohol free days even when I was not having a binge.
Two weeks ago I decided to try tapering down, which seems to have worked in terms of easing the withdrawal symptoms. Last week was a small glass at night and now none for 4 days. I also saw my Dr who did my blood work and noted my high bp. No surprise my liver numbers are scary high, blood sugar borderline (I am also overweight) and cholesterol elevated. The Dr has me on bp medication, the tapering seems to have helped me not to have developed shaking or headaches, though I do feel exhausted easily. I have wicked sugar cravings and am trying to feed them with fresh fruit not processed sugar.
I’m not in good shape. I’m 54 and so cross with myself for being such a poor steward of my body. I am a widow with an autistic child, so I am all he has. I am SO angry with myself.
Every year I don’t drink in February and quite often continue that sobriety for months beyond that, but that has always been because I’ve told myself I can drink when I want and I am just choosing not to. I think deep down that is the lie I am already telling myself - abstain, get the blood work back to normal and then learn your lesson and only drink in moderation. I have enough personal experience and have read stories here to know how that one will end up and yet at the moment it is where my head is. Stupid I know.
AA is not for me, I am in a small town and sadly people do not always respect the anonymity of the people, but I don’t think trying to do this in secret (like my drinking) is a good idea. I am scared by my liver results, I need to make a change. I hope posting honestly here is a good early step, I just feel the odds are against me.