And I drive myself insane thinking about it all.
That's where AlAnon helped me. Can you get to an AlAnon meeting?
http://al-anon.org
It's great you got a job - a good distraction and if you have health benefits check and see what your metal health benefits cover - you sound like you have a lot on your mind and I've always found therapy helps me cut through the paralyzing fog!
Welcome to SR!
B