A phonecall
Aaaaargh my mood and mind has went from optimistic to self doubt in no time. I was on the phone to some family last night and they asked me if I was still doing the no drinking plan. Telling them yes and how great I have felt not having the stress alcohol brings me they proceed to tell me how fun I am with alcohol and I'm 'cool when I drink' basically telling me I'm not as bad as I think. Also telling me 'it's what you drink, you mix too much maybe try sticking to one type' . Yeah I mix because I can't stop myself, I don't plan to drink everything in sight it just happens. It's 100% put my av into overdrive, does that mean I'm not cool now??? Am I not an alcoholic???? Is my behaviour acceptable???? Should I go back??? These family members drink alot themselves and are party party and for them drinking means party but for me it means darkness, no blackouts, alcohol poisoning (Everytime) which they don't see
Oh I don't know my mind is all over the place now I don't know what to think.