Erinkat

Hi all. I'm new to posting, but I've been reading posts for a while now. Today is day 17 of my sobriety. I've gone 30 days in the past for a "wake up" but never really considered quitting entirely until the past year or so. I started having feelings of shame about my drinking and knew this day was coming. I've been drinking too much for years. A stable alcoholic if you will, it never affected my work, and I considered myself a "good time drinker" for many years. But I wasn't. I was using alcohol whether it was a vodka night or a beer and whiskey night to temporarily escape reality.

I don't want to make excuses anymore. I don't ever want another hangover. I don't want to feel shame any longer. If I'm being honest let me say that the straw that broke the camel's back was noticing a few physical changes: some small broken capillaries, a red glow, BP that I could feel sometimes, circles under my eyes. I turned 40 this past year, and I knew the time to stop was now.

I'm feeling pretty okay. I have some feelings of regret like I should've done a farewell tour of my favorite drinks (sad but true.) At the same time I'm happy to be ending The Who What Where cycle. Who to drink with? What to drink? Where to drink? I'm happy to be settling into an evening routine of cooking, catching up on household things I let slip for months (shameful), reading (I still read tons while drinking somehow) and time set aside for self care (whitening my teeth, washing my face, slathering myself in lavender lotion lol.) I am worried about how this plays out on day 30, day 50, etc. but as long as I don't drink today I'm glad.

Thanks for being here!

Erin