10 years clean off the evil stuff.
it's time to double down on recovery. however you "looked up" your dealer's number, ditch it. get it out of your phone, off the scrap of paper in your wallet, wherever. no more drive bys. crack has NOTHING to offer.....it won't be like it was....it never WAS like it WAS. it's a lie. it will be worse. your addiction progresses whether you use or not.......if you were never paranoid and geeked before, you will next time. your mind and body will not react WELL at all...there will be no bliss, no good times.
change the dialogue. no means no period. not today, not tomorrow, not ever. PERIOD. get busy with GOOD stuff......start a project, tackle the garage, wallpaper the bedroom. pick up an old hobby or interest....dust off the piano or the guitar......hell take up needlepoint!
download speaker tapes. read some positive healing literature. you have the power to turn your mind away from that dead end road.
glad you are here! glad you reached out!