Originally Posted by fotographia

OK before I write my post let me say this:
I have 2 years and 2 months of sobriety. I did quit drinking on my own and I did not go to detox/rehab as I was not physically addicted to alcohol.

I have not been to any AA or NA meetings because in the small town I live in some people who I know who do go to meetings said how some people there can't keep their mouths shut about who they have seen at meetings, and some of the people at local AA/NA meetings just go because the court told them to and they don't take the group or the message seriously, or they go to meet other people they drink or use drugs with.

I quit drinking because I wanted to before I was 30, and I was told that if I continued to drink it may have possibly gotten worse for me like it does for a lot of people. I did wind up meeting people who are in their 60s who have abused alcohol for decades, who are physically addicted, and I told myself I did not want to wind up like that.

Lately part of me has been saying that it would be OK for me to drink a glass of a nice southern Italian wine with a meal a few times a year.

When I would drink I never would get really drunk on wine or go crazy with it, like I did with beer or liquor-with beer or liquor I would sometimes drink it all very fast and drink a lot of it at once. I grew up drinking a small glass of wine with a meal and I've seen lots of people get really drunk on it sometimes to the point of drinking so much they vomit or black out but that's never happened to me. When I would drink wine I would just drink 1 or two standard sized glasses with a meal, or while eating and I would only drink wine either a few times a year, or a few times a month.

But, I am not sure if I were to drink now I'd continue to "drink normally"? Sometimes I can. Other times when I was drinking before I stopped 2 years and two months ago, I would drink 5 or more drinks in a night both alone chatting online with friends, but if I was at home alone I would not drink more than 5-6 drinks.

But when out with friends at a bar or party when I did not have to drive home I would go crazy drinking a lot at once. When I was on vacation with friends and did not have to drive and going out to bars I would drink way too much and have 10-12 drinks in a night drinking with friends who were larger in weight than I am or who have a tolerance greater than mine is.

I first drank an entire glass of wine when I was 12 or 13 and I liked the buzz I got from it. Then at 14 I started to drink vodka my parents had that they didn't drink, and when I was 18 I had only drank half of the bottle. Through ages 15 through 20 I would sometimes drink beer or liquor with friends that we would get for parties or at live concerts. I also would have periods where I was not drinking; but I was not sober but I would just use other drugs like LSD (acid), psychedelic mushrooms, amphetamines (prescription, never meth), pharmaceutical opiates (oxycodone/hydrocodone/codeine-not heroin), and I tried coke once but did not really enjoy it. I never really mixed the other drugs but I sometimes would have periods of time when I would take them daily if I wanted to. But I stopped using all of those years/decades ago, and I do not really have a desire to use these drugs now.

I had a period in college where I was in my early 20s and I drank daily for about half a year. Yes I did black out at least once or maybe twice. I did not drive as I had no access to a car.

I did stop drinking daily. I slowly cut back and then quit. I also would smoke pot instead of drinking as I figured it was less harmful and it would not give me horrible hangovers. I know it was stupid to do this but I did not have any sort of withdrawal at all, and at the time I did not want people to know I had a problem with alcohol.

I did this over the summer before my last semester of college. I returned to college that fall and yes I did still drink but kept it to just the weekends and I would drink maybe 5-6 drinks or a bit more with friends at a bar throughout a night.

I did graduate from college, I was easily able to complete all my exams/papers/projects, etc. and get very high marks. I did however continue to drink until I was 29. Sometimes I would drink "normally" and only have 1-2 drinks in a night, and then not drink for awhile like months at a time to where when I did drink one or two standard measured shots of vodka would get me very drunk when sipped slowly.

Other times if I was on vacation with friends and we went to a bar, or I was at a party with friends and I was having fun I would get very drunk and have 6 drinks or more in a night.

Often times when I would drink I would get very anxious or feel guilty, and I haven't used any alcohol at all in over 2 years, and other substances for an even longer period of time.

Before I quit drinking I would sometimes drink a mixed drink, beer, or glass of wine with a meal and that would be the only drink I would have that night, and I would not drink at all for weeks or months after this.

I do sometimes have dreams about drinking but they're really random, happen out of nowhere, and I wake up feeling sort of confused about it.