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Old 01-09-2018, 06:13 PM
  # 35 (permalink)  
WinterThunder
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Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 26
Originally Posted by LateBloominCait View Post
I'll play the tape forward for you. I had a chunk of time sober and decided I was only a problem drinker. I slowly went back. First a beer or two here and there but very quickly right back where it was before. The truth was, I couldn't control my drinking and once I started, a new part of me takes over that wants to drink and drink until I blackout or get sick. Did I drink that much every time I drank? No. But on the times that I did "moderate", I was just thinking, obsessing and wishing to have more and get good and drunk. Even when I do moderate, I don't enjoy it. I don't drink to get a little tipsy. I drink to get drunk.

It took me three years to pull myself out of this relapse. I know now that I am an alcoholic for certain and that I can't drink if I want a functional, peaceful life. I wish I had just believed it three years ago. I could be so much further with my life now if I had.

You are obsessing about alcohol. You are already planning your relapse. At least I know I was when I sounded like you.
"The truth was, I couldn't control my drinking and once I started, a new part of me takes over that wants to drink and drink until I blackout or get sick. "

This was so me.
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