Hi WF
Glad you are doing ok this morning.
Sooooo, cart before the horse girl. Slow your roll. Haha. I mean that with humor. One step at a time. Sober. For. a. long. time. Accepting that alcohol is not an option/coping mechanism, and developing new coping mechanisms will take up all your energy.
A man will not make you. External things....they don't determine who I am or how I see myself. They can't. Cause what happens when those external things go away, or don't live up to expectations? I'm lost.
After you have some sober time, you can start looking at codependence. For me, in simple terms, that means my perception of myself is determined by what you think of me. Wow. What could possibly go wrong? So I'm always searching for me, my meaning, my purpose in you, or him, or it, or a bottle.
Frankly I don't know if I ever want another intimate relationship. I'm 52 and seem to be perfectly fine with that. Soooo that probably isn't completely healthy. I've gone the opposite direction. You can't STOP looking for a partner, I can't imagine anyone sitting on the couch next to me. Except my daughter or my cat. The whole concept kind of freaks me out. But I'm ok with that now. Truly, I believe I need about 5 years sober before I'll consider taking another hostage...I mean, having another relationship
But each day is a new day. Today I think I'll sit with my cat.
Hang in there. You have plenty of time.