Need,
When I think back on my early days, around 3 years ago, I was so deeply poisoned.
To look at pictures, my wife takes hundreds, I look fine. But, inside I was hurting. I was working out, but I was hurting.
Dope sick from booze.
It took a long long long time for me to get to this state of grace.
The whole time...suffering. I knew a brief outlet, relapse, was there, but I knew the damage I had done already.
I decided I am not going out like that.
Even if I am homeless, I will still Want to live on.
Without booze life is real. With booze it is a fantasy. I didn't know this until I tried to get cleaned up.
Now I see things in a new light.
I Don't blame anyone but myself for my problems. It is liberating.
When I was dope sick I would curl up in a ball and wimper, eat sweets, yogurt, greens, and protiens.
I would binge watch tv....breaking bad was my show that got me through.
I didn't even discover SR until I was 80 days clean. Before that...I thought I was going crazy. Basically, I was. But, now I am better...for me.
Suffering is the way out. I suffered a bit last night. I was at the casino, and busted out of a poker tournament. I was so unlucky.
I thought about drinking for a second. i don't drink anymore. I thought about eating. It was too late.
I went to bed. I prayed to God.
I just woke up and feel amazing. Ready for the day.
Stay clean.
Thanks.