Originally Posted by
Belle143 
He drinks every day. Of his own admission ( and without guilt) he estimates he drinks between 4-6 liquor drinks per day. Almost 7 days a week.
Yeah, that's a lot of alcohol. Not up to me to diagnose whether or not he is an alcoholic, but I wouldn't date a man who drinks so much.
I haven't had much experience dating emotionally balanced, responsible men due to my own enabler tendencies and sometimes I have trouble discerning what is healthy in love and what's a manipulation. So, I'm trying to learn to recognize the signs of substance dependency more clearly and faster with each relationship.
Sounds like you've gotten to the point where you can see the signs of addiction, but you haven't gotten to the point of putting your own needs first, and gracefully passing on the guys who aren't compatible with what you want.
You state above that you have enabler tendencies, so yeah, your mind will play tricks with you when you date an addict.
Paired with the other little flags I've noted, I think I'm seeing the signs of an alcohol dependent man that may have underlying issues with self worth
Wow, this man sounds like manna from heaven for a codependent partner!
Because of my history, I recognize how easy it is for me to accept the role of enabler in a relationship, sometimes without even realizing that's what I've become. After the last substance related loss in my family, I finally understood that I was not obligated to try and 'save' anyone from their own choices.
Exactly.
how do I approach my departure?
As in, do i owe it to him , out of love, to tell him his drinking habits are why the relationship doesn't work for me?- Won't that lead to a whole bunch of " I can change" when in reality his whole life is built around alcohol so how much of that can change, really? ( they usually don't anyway)
Also, I feel like it's not right of me to make somebody else feel unworthy because of their choices. They have the right to live whatever life works for them but alcohol dependency doesn't work for my life. So maybe I just approach it as it's my issue and not his?
Does that do a disservice to the man by not letting him know his drinking IS in fact affecting his life? Ie losing a good relationship because of it?
He knows how much he drinks. He doesn't need you to point it out. Don't give into your need to "save" him.
Think of what a non-codependent, non-enabler would do. Assess the situation, look for red flags, and cut and run if there were any. We codependents stay and stay, fix and fix. And waste years of our lives living in dysfunction.
You've been with him for 7 months. These are probably red flags that you could have noticed in the first few dates when it was easier to gracefully exit. But still, it's progress that you are seeing so clearly now, and your own recovery is showing. In my opinion the best thing is to just be honest and say that it's not working out for you., that you are looking for something else in your life. You're not married, you don't have kids. You know where this relationship could go -- 7 months is not a life sentence. You can still back out without too much fallout.