Clark,
Totally relate. I drank to...get even with all the people at work I hated. I was having a party, they weren't. It was crazy.
I still obsess about the past and worry about the future. But, now I take responsibility for all the trouble I have had. I blame nobody but myself.
That puts the power to fix the problem squarely under my control.
As soon as I blame someone else, the problem is drawn out.
I know that I need to live in the now.
I was under hellish physical and mental duress for many months. I am blessedthat I didn't lose my wife or my easy cool job. My boss is distant and that was a good thing for getting cleaned up.
Now that I am cleaned up I can't expect anything to change for the better at work, I don't really deserve it.
Regardless of the issues i face, getting clean is the best thing I have ever done. Staying a drunk was just leading me to physco ward and an early grave.
Thanks