I can only give my personal experience, everyone is different.
I got sober. The rest of the world didn’t. Nor should they. If someone can enjoy a few glasses of wine with dinner or a few cocktails at a party, who am I to judge?
For the first four months of sobriety I didn’t trust myself around partying. I finished outpatient, isolated for a few weeks, did AA, then outpatient (cognitive group) and learned a number of skills to deal with cravings. I spent 40 years learning and perfecting a drinking and drug habit. In those four months I did everything I could to make sobriety a habit.
The foundation was laid in rehab. Step One happened; the only logical behavior was to take drinking off the table. Completely and forever.
Evidence began piling up that sobriety was far better for me than using.
I can absolutely be around people who are drinking or doing a little coke or whatever. Do I miss feeling that way? Not at all. Intoxication is a creeping veil over reality, and reality is wonderful, and badass. I see people getting a buzz on and having a good time. I also see that fuzziness start to take over, the laughter gets forced, conversation becomes increasingly loud and inappropriate. Why would I want that when I’ve found the gift of being truly present in every moment? No, I can’t be around really drunk or high people, not because I miss it, but because their behavior disgusts me. I can’t believe I was like that.
My drinking habit was not social. I’d party and have a few, then drink a half bottle of vodka, alone. So I can be out at a party or a bar and not be tempted.
I shared this today at a meeting, and another guy said that is him exactly. He has been sober for three years, and he’s a bartender. He said that before he became sober, he would have a few at work, but that he couldn’t wait to get home and REALLY drink.
So I have a great social life with the normies, and I also have good sober friends.
I ‘m rarely lonely. My cravings happen strongly, but very infrequently. If it gets bad, I always allow myself to leave a situation at any time. I can always go to a meeting.
All because I took drinking off the table, got into the sober habit and worked like hell in the early days to get there.
Everyone is different. I’m lucky that I can still function in a normie world. But if I had to go to daily meetings to stay sober and never be around drugs and alcohol I’d be ok with that. Why trade a lifetime of happiness and awareness and true joy for a few moments of drunken “pleasure,” which really ain’t even all that? What are you REALLY giving up?