I have to stay away from things that pull at my heart strings.
Huge example...someone i keep in touch with from high school was in a severe accident yesterday and her kid was injured pretty bad. hit by a driver that wasn't paying attention.
I found myself starting to boil....like i started getting tunnel vision and like i was having a ptsd attack. i started pacing around and just seething...my hands were balled up...i was shaking really bad..when my wife walked in and saw me.
she pulled me out of it but it scared the crap out of me. my process goes from sad to anger to rage and then things go red basically until i snap out of it. it's never gotten to any violence...it's actually like the complete opposite of that. it's really hard to explain. it's like i get a panic/rage attack when i can't protect someone and i feel powerless. stupid, right? ughh....my wiring is fu@*ed.
so i need to address some issues i think are right at the surface for me. i used to driink because i felt too much and now i wanna know why i process things like i do....more therapy. it gets tiring sometimes but this is a war of attrition against my mental defects. I can't afford to get complacent. not now or ever.