DarklingSong

I am relieved to make it to the end of day 3. No typical withdrawal symptoms (I am truly grateful for that), but feel wretched physically and mentally- just plain depressed. Only to be expected.
I am hoping to do more tomorrow to lift my mood and refocus on the day rather than being too obsessed with failing to stay sober. In my moments of clarity I know I can learn from this.
Just now though what is on my mind is that my life as I am right now isn't working. It doesn't work that well sober yet and its pure hell when I am drinking. I don't think it has all that much to do with external factors (I did during the last 6 months). Now I think that the problem is mostly on the inside. Its how I am built. My expectations of being sober are more realistic......It won't make everything magically better for me. I am going to have to find a way of changing how I am in the world.
I have absolutely no idea how I will do this......I have had years and years of therapy but am starting only now to see how hard I find it to live in the world. And it isn't the world. Its me.