Tw,
I dont give advice anymore,..but maybe you can relate to my story in some way.
Once I found sr I was able to get the direct information to find my way.
My problem, maybe like you, was/is 2 pronged.
1. Physical and mental addiction.
2. Selfish behavior/attitude leading to emotional suffering.
It was a cycle.
Since I kicked the drinking habit, I deal with the narcissism like it is a new hat.
I am embarrassed to think after all these years I acted like I was so special.
I can believe in myself, but I need to work on accepting others will not always believe in me.
Being aware of that helps me cope...to fight off the desire to relapse.
I probably could use some pro therapy as well, but I would likely lose my cool job.
I honestly think, since I don't drink anymore, I am getting better.
It is liberating.
Thanks.