Tomsteve is right. And he's a wise one.
The problem at the moment is not your mixed race. Or the past assault. It is that you're choosing to rationalise drinking when you know it's no real solution. You're choosing to drink because you want to, and la-la-laa-ing away what you know you NEED. Just like we all chose to.
I continued like that til in my 40s. Just like you can if you keep making excuses to carry it on. Decades of pain and self-loathing. And noone can stop you but you my darling girl.
If you want things to be different don't keep choosing the same.
Xx