WF,
I have had the same thing with my eldest daughter.
She hated me, with good reason.
She still does at moments, again with good reason.
But it hurts me to my core, and the only time I ever think about drinking is when she goes off on me.
BUT it IS getting better. Much better.
But it took time. Years. But the hurt I installed was also over years.
So even though she is an adult now, I have to be the grownup in the room.
No matter how bad it is, she is, she is starting to trust that I do not and will not drink.
And that is the only way we will EVER heal.
I predict that if you make the decision today, Christmas 2017, that you will never drink again no matter how hard it is, no matter how bad she is, she will get there.
She is goading you. They both are. Its the first sign of trust rebuilding -- look how bad I am, I know she will drink.
Don't prove her right.