You've come to your answer. It's similar to the one I came to when I was 30 years old and got in an unbelievably bad scrape with some guys at work when blind drunk.
I swore I would never drink again. I was so mortified the next day I cried like a baby.
I then spent the next 18 years drinking.
Don't waste the best years of your life like I did, as you consign the 'incident' to a dark box in your mind, rarely to be opened. Keep it front and centre in your memory.
You're a terrible drunk. Sobriety is your only answer.
Regards,
Tony