Hi Lightanddark.
One can only ever be responsible for their own choices, it is not your fault she choose to react how she did and sleep with someone else, not is it her fault you become abusive when you drink..
I've been a total ******** and nnightmare in the past when I drink, it's not nice for the people around you and nor is it nice for you to deal with the shame and the guilt afterwards..
I dare ask lightanddark, when you blackout do you know where you limit of abusive is once your reasoning mind is gone?
You never have to touch another drink again, you can do this, have faith in yourself and we can help you too...