I'm a bit of a worrier and feel embarassed at times coming back too. Feel foolish, weak etc. But nobody here is judging. Im only really in my fourth month of properly investing in my recovery and I've still not made it right through completely sober. Just try your best to improve. It sounds like you really want that and you can do it. I'm speaking to a counsellor weekly too. MASSIVE help. I had stuff bottled up from my teens that was destroying my sense of self worth, a big factor in my drinking.
I really hope you start to feel a bit better soon. There is a way forward and a big part of that is investing in your own healing. Best of wishes to you. Gabe x