UrQuan

Hello,

I mostly signed up because I want it in writing somewhere (though of course I appreciate advice). I've given myself enough chances to drink in moderation, but every time it's a familiar pattern. The handle only lasts three days instead of a month. And by day three I'm an emotional, half-mad, wreck, intent on doing something reckless or shameful.

I don't drink often, but when I do I manage to set my life back by months. There are dozens of people who could walk up to me, punch me in the face, and be totally justified for doing it.

I'm 28 now. When I was younger I drank because I have a serious and grumpy personality. At some point I decided to stop socializing and focus on getting a carreer started. Now I feel like I've been working so hard that life "owes" me some sort of pleasure, and I know I'll regret it, but I just don't care.

If I keep binging it'll keep hurting people. So, from now on, whether it's 6 months from now, or five years from now, I don't get another chance to have "just a few". I know that in the long run I need to find something I actually enjoy. But for now, it's day 2, and I'm just going to survive. I still can't sleep and I'm full of (hopefully) irrational anxieties about ruining my reputation on the last binge.

I have so much in common with a lot of the people here, thank you all for sharing your stories and reading mine.