Day 38 but starting to cave...
Hi All
Its been a while since I posted. I am currently on day 38 of sobriety, and after the first week or so it's been fairly drama / pain free. Some cravings but mostly I'm doing okay. I managed 31 days back in August so I'm doing pretty good.
The past few days I am craving so badly - it feels like a rising in my chest and like my head will explode. I only have to catch a small whiff of it, and the smell is too much, I want some. Everywhere I look, people are drinking. I look at them and think, look - they're drinking and they're fine, thats what I want to be like. Other times I know I will never have a normal relationship with alcohol, but I think it's ok I will have a few days drinking then start again, I'll just get it all out of my system.
Overall (like everyone here I suppose) my life is much worse as a drinker. But these cravings are even hankering after the negatives. Alcohol seems to relieve the boredom, it stops you from feeling such a failure, you can escape reality for a little while. I just feel so lonely without it, I know its pathetic. This time of year I want to join in, I want to be drunk and merry like everyone else. I want to be normal.