Thanks guys for all of your support and it really helps, but being by myself in this struggle makes this difficult. Don't really see a way out. I tried AA but it didn't work, but I have heard about on line programs that might be helpful. I don't want to die before my time is up but don't see any way to stop it. I bought a grave next to my mothers so it is there if and when I need it. Just got to ship my remains there. Actually looking forward to it. John