SH,
You sound great.
The holidays are tough for all of us, we need to double down and realise that it just is not worth it.
The key for me, which I see in your posts, was when I realised I was ADDICTED, and therefore the only thing that a drink would bring is another day 1, if I was lucky enough to get there.
The minute that I really clicked that I was truly addicted to alcohol, just as I had been to cigarettes before stopping, I stopped drinking because I never wanted another day 1.
Stopping again was too hard, drinking was too hard, but staying sober over time because a new and better normal.
You got this, I can feel it!