Hugs and peace to you Sweet.
You know, I don't hear judging here,just folk who are suggesting that this man and the drama he brings aren't likely to bring you serenity or be good for your sobriety.
Its a rare person here whose addictive thinking didn't lead them to act against their conscience and lose their integrity. Judging helps nobody. Thing is, same can be said re this man's wife. Words like frigid are usually judgemental. I should imagine her experiences have been hellish if she has been brought away from her home and family to live with a man who she'd pinned all her hopes and, from the sound of things turned out to be sexually bullying. That is abusive sex. Rape happens within many abusive marriages, so IF she's off sex perhaps there is a very good reason why. What he describes as 'kink' probably seems much darker and scarier if she doesn't feel she can get away from him.
Anyway. Not our monkeys, not our circus.
What's the plan for today and the weekend SC? Meetings? Coffee with some ladies from AA perhaps? Make some Christmas cookies or write a letter to someone you love? Or perhaps go offer some of that bothersome sober time to help someone who could do with a hand? Bet there's lots of things you could be doing and focussing on rather than compulsions to drink or for unhealthy relationships (and that isn't judging - I just mean that these things can have just the same pull as alcohol - after all they are adrenaline fuelled, smell of excitement, and are mood changers). I'd suggest keeping real busy with positive stuff SC.
Chin up Chicka
BB x