We can maintain an outward show of success for a long time while still being consumed with shame, self-loathing, loneliness and an unexplained isolation that comes from being emotionally unavailable. Once we stop measuring our success in money and start measuring it in terms of happiness, loving relationships, self-respect and integrity we realised that we're not so successful as we (and others) may have thought.
That mix of pride (can't accept help, despising other people , and in many regards feeling better than others) and shame (deep inner not-enoughness) and hopelessness are pretty typical.
You can do this. By not taking the first drink. It's the first one that does the damage. It will be uncomfortable and miserable for a while perhaps, not doing what you want. When our AV pulls our strings it stings to resist that pull. But it isn't impossible. Plenty of folk on here are testimony to that.
BB