I'm getting through the day, feeling a little bit better but anxious for tomorrow to arrive when I can call my doctor and ask about my medication. I don't like feeling so down.
For now I am going ahead with the party. I have already prepared a lot of food for it, It is frozen in bulk so would be hard to consume without a big group. I have made and wrapped 50 cd's that I'll give as a little gift. I'm actually pretty prepared.
I need to my remember my "Cindy Crawford's mole" tactic for times like these. It sounds pretty out there, but I think over how Cindy Crawford was noticed as such a beauty and a standout for the very thing that was deemed an imperfection, her mole. I use that to remind myself that being technically perfect is not the end-all be-all and that often a slight imperfection can even enhance the beauty or attractiveness of something. So I won't obsess about my house being spotless or every last plate of food being magazine photo worthy, it doesn't have to be perfect. And often, the slight bit of disorder or imperfection is actually charming and makes things relatable. My ex-boyfriend used to say that although I was a great host I even made people uncomfortable because it was all so thought out, planned and perfect. People felt bad relaxing and enjoying themselves when I was running all over the place trying to keep every last bit of everything under constant, perfect control. If a tea light burnt out, there I was with a new one, if a dish got messy I ran off to the kitchen to clean it up and re-present it.
I'm very well prepared and I really want to try to do this in a relaxing way so that everyone has fun and feels relaxed, including myself.
If however I find myself getting too worked up about things I'll call it off, but it will be a more last minute decision.