Relationship with alcoholic brother
I am 58 and my brother is 55. We live in the same area. He has been an alcoholic basically since high school. He has been fired from probably 15? Jobs since high school because of drinking. We came from a working class family but I had the grades and initiative to go to college and then grad school. I went on to have a wonderful family and career and he lived with my mom and dad getting hired and fired.
Mom and Dad never made him be accountable for anything. About 10years ago he became eligible for SS due to alcoholic heart failure. He has never admitted verbally he is an alcoholic or that’s why he’s on disability.
My whole adult life I’ve had to hear from my parents about the awful things my brother has done. He has lost jobs, has verbally abused them, says he lives there to take care of them. At the same time he would text me really drunk and just say the most awful cruel things to me-drove me to tears. Because my mom and dad put up with this they couldn’t understand why I just couldn’t brush it off. My husband and now young adult kids know that he has said these things to me— I think I’m better than anyone else, Dad has done him wrong etc.
Since he hasn’t had a job and lives on SS, he has no idea how lucky he and been that mom and dad let him live it’s him all these years. They were the ultimate enablers.
Dad died a year ago and mom died a month ago. I loved them so much. My 1:1 relationships with them were so warm and close. They enalbled my brother his whole life. Because he lived with him his whole life, my mom even asked me to take care of him when she was gone. I skirted the answer.
He is such an ass and even thinking about having a relationship with him how gives me a panic attack. He’s living in the apartment he shared with my mom and dad until he gets until a subsidize place. He never had a family of his own and his alcoholism has driven his friends and family away. He doesn’t drive because he lost his license 15-20 years ago due to DUIs.
I tolerated him when my mom and dad were alive out of obligation. I’m struggling with what I should do now that they’re gone. I loved my mom and dad so much but hate doing what he put them through and the really awful things he would rage at me while drunk. I’m crying even typing this out.