The holiday season is always rough, Mera. Please be gentle with yourself. I appreciate the wisdom you show in your posts. You are correct that you could go out and drink at any time, that it's not just the trigger of a party. I know that feeling well. I could go get some beers and drink right now and no one would know--but me. I don't want to let myself down. In two weeks I will have two years of sobriety and that is so much more important to me than a fleeting bit of relief that will swiftly lead to utter guilt and depression afterwards. I've been there too often and it is the worst feeling. Wishing you lots of strength and peace.