Originally Posted by aliciagr

Wow

Kudos to you for knowing that your first requirement is to take care of yourself. Kudos to you for the willingness to help someone you care about get treatment for a deadly addiction.

I have found alanon to be a good resource for self care, and many other things stick in my mind about the program. Its said people get to take what they want and leave the rest (in the dust). Its said that people in the program are supposed to offer support based on their similarities and not their differences (of situation, opinion, and all that good stuff). One other important note is that since its based on AA and the 12 step stuff, in their big book it says that their programs are meant to work in correlation with the medical sciences - doctors, psychologist and the like.

The medical profession says that family and friends are great influencers and often help people identify substance abuse issues, realize the impact its having on their life, walk through the maze of treatment options to find what Might work best for their particular needs.

And didn't you say you had talked to someone and they advised you write a letter and even hand deliver it. and they recommended he get away from the people who are leaving him to his own devices, telling him he doesn't have a problem, or that he doesn't need any help to solve it. I think you did.

You are doing all the right things in my opinion. I also helped my husband get treatment, and it took a while. No regrets and its stuck so far.

We had a similar issue sort of with family. His parents knew he had a problem, and wanted him to get help, but his mom only wanted him to get help through surrendering and working the program she wanted him to work. Even though he made a choice to seek professional help, she could not be encouraging, supportive.

Our family and friends do greatly impact our emotions and ideas. While his mom had every right to have her own opinions, and to decide she would not be supportive - we also had a right to eventually consider her "toxic" to our family.

You asked how to navigate his family. And you already know you cant force them to do anything, or feel anything different. All I can say is share your facts about binge vs everyday drinking. Im assuming there is a chance they just don't understand or know whats going on?

With me, I basically did a lot of listening to my husband, research on what types of stuff were available, and encouraged him to try. Knowing it could take multiple attempts and maybe changes in his recovery plan along the way. If he wanted to make his life better then he needed to do something. Things wouldn't get better if he did nothing. And he tried, not crawling in for help or jumping up and down with anticipation, but he got in the door of the therapist office and it started a progression.

Also another antidote. Its not my business what anyone else thinks of me. If they have a problem with me, its their problem to wallow in.