Originally Posted by
MesaMan 
.
For me, there were Drunken Games within Games within Games in Early Retirement. Pulling Cash from multiple Checking Accounts [Da Wife and I don't have shared Accounts]. Rotating purchases among different Liquor Stores. Of course. Planning ordinary things, like going to the local Dog Park, around how hammered I'd be at certain Daylight Hours. It's really astounding how all-consuming these numerous sordid details were. And, how I took great pride in 'arranging' everything. Will I be able to also stop and get Vehicle Gas, or will I be too hammered for that necessary stop, as well? Or, where's a safe Parking Lot to pull into for a quick Nap? Um, a quick Black-Out, that is.
What a ridiculous load of *wasted* effort, eh? And, this is just one tip of the sotted Iceberg, with much of simple Life Activities representing a whole other level of effort. Like, 'Hey, I'm gonna pop down to the Grocery Store. With the proverbial 100 lb. weight in my Backpack'! As Bugs Bunny would say: 'Whatta Dope! Whatta Maroon'!
I had to extricate myself out of that wreckage for some time to then look back with clarity to see how entangling that wreckage was! Perspective 101. This continuing, aloof clarity is one of many Sober Gifts that keeps on giving. Such occasional Memories are all the Relapse Prevention I require. I made it out alive.
And, yes, as Sober Living becomes The New Normal, it's only going to keep getting better.
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It really was a lot of work! And that's just the part about maintaining the drinking and juggling work and family responsibilities around drinking and recovery time from it. But it went deeper than that, I'd been an addict from 15 on, I always used, so my decisions about school where I dropped out, work where I picked jobs that were in party atmospheres, my friends who all partied, my lovers who were all addicts, even my kids activities all had to be at certain times, never too early or too late. Every decision I've made for almost 25 years was made with my AV's input on how to maintain my habit, nothing was allowed to get in the way of that. I shaped my life around obeying that voice. IT really is like a parasite. It taken a good long stretch of abstinence to fully appreciate how entrenched IT had become in my consciousness.