The Long and Winding Enabler Road.
A short overview. I started dating my high school crush last year after meeting at our high school reunion. I knew he drank. I have had 30 years experience with Alanon and live my life by their principles. Why would I do this? I see beyond the alcohol. I see the man that has a heart of gold. That watches out for me, most of the time.
When we met he "was not an alcoholic, just an Irish Drunk that likes his drink." Today he "is an alcoholic" in his mind. He doesn't work and his "helpers", the network of family, all enablers, makes sure he is okay. Financially supporting his needs. His ex-wife ensures he has his best friend (the whiskey) with him.
In October I did an emergency visit to him because he was not feeling well. His family said you will be okay, just wait. I took him to the ER with a resting heart rate of 180. It was alcohol induced heart disease. If he didn't go to the hospital that morning, he would have died. He was told NOT to drink. He was in for 4 days and when he got out stayed sober for 2 weeks. The longest he had. Then the ex "helped" him out. He is back up to 2-3 gallons of whiskey a week. While in the hospital the nurse told me that he would need rehab out of the area, so I have found a center that meets everything he needs. I have been talking to him about it through the anger, bravado. He has told me he is not adverse to the idea, but it is never a good time. I am not giving up though.
Now my quandary. I reached out to his family to try and have them do a formal intervention. The kick back was horrible. Rather than try to do an organized intervention, they all called him and told him what I was trying to do. His aunts are mad that I had the audacity to think he had an issue, after all I was not family. He was just a binge drinker. Even his AA uncle said "I don't see where you need an intervention, you are just a binge drinker." A binge drinker is not almost every day and a gallon in a 24 hour period. I am battling a network of enablers and impossible odds.
My question is how do I talk around this network of enablers? I plan to talk about how he feels trapped and controlled by them. How he wants so much more. Beyond that I am at a loss. They have a longer history with him, than I do.
I am going up there this weekend and have an intervention letter for him. The center recommended giving it in person rather than sending it.
He knows I am not going to stop. I told him if he didn't want to hear it and was happy where he was don't call again. He also hasn't thrown the brochure away. Any guidance would be appreciated.