Hi Six
if you're sick of who you are the only real solution is to embrace change.
I dunno what methods you've tried in the past - whether you're a lone wolf or an AAer or what but I'd write up a bit of a spread sheet of all the possible avenues of support open to you - SR, other forums, Dr, counsellor, inpatient/outpatient rehab ...whatever.
Don't dismiss anything out of hand.
I believe that, with the right effort, everyone can get sober...but we have to believe we're worth fighting for first.
If you're struggling with that, then I'd definitely bring in all the reinforcements you can ASAP.
D