Darlad921 I really do understand. I was always very career driven until I had my first child 15 years ago and gave up work. Coupled with post natal depression the whole enormity of it hit me and I turned to drink. Looking back being a SAHM didn't suit me and I do believe I'm a better mum now that I work. I am in no way judging anyone else's lifestyle choice. What works for one doesn't necessarily work for another. I just found that for me being at home with babies was an utterly lonely existence and I did go down the route of drinking my loneliness and anxiety away.
Even so I only really returned to work through necessity for the money after I separated from my now ex husband. I am lucky in that I now work school hours 4 days a week so can balance being a mum and my job. Whether or not you need the income there is no shame in needing that structure and fulfilment for yourself. Hand on heart I don't think I'd be sober right now if I didn't work.
The priority is (in my opinion) getting sober and living a balanced and fulfilling life without alcohol. Can you talk to your husband openly? He may surprise you and be a great support.
It is great that you have found this forum where if nothing else you have an online support network every day. I make sure I post daily and interact as much as I can. I class my time on SR as "me time" and wouldn't be without it. Take care and keep posting xxx