I feel your sadness. I’m glad you are choosing to work on sobriety. It sounds like you are familiar with some sober tools, but struggle to use them. I’m glad you are choosing to use them now. We all get sober because we get tired of being stolen from. Alcohol is a thief. Yet both you and I have welcomed him. Time to stop believing that lying felon. Put him outside your life, your heart, your body. Get free, heal, love and be loved. Blessings, stay strong!