Welcome back, SOTC. I am sorry that you are going through a bad time and your mother's illness. I have had numerous failed attempts at sobriety, and this is part of our horrifying disease. Each time I stopped the withdrawals got progressively worse. I kept trying though--some tiny bit of sanity left kept me desiring a sober life and with a good plan and the support and advice of the excellent people here at SR I am 19 days away from 2 years of sobriety. I never want to go back to the horror of my life before. You can do this-I know the temptation of wanting to drink to feel better, but there is nothing in this world that alcohol doesn't make infinitely worse. I wish you peace and strength on your sober journey.