Originally Posted by
Bunny211 
Months 9-12 were pretty awful for me....if we are talking just about year #1. The tremendous urge to drink lifted, that obsession with booze, around 8 months in. However, the reasons I drank in the first place cropped up....low self esteem, anxiety, co dependency, childhood trauma etc. I will be completely honest. I have not yet managed to find "happy, contented sobriety." I hit a bigger bottom than ever when I got sober - an emotional bottom. I never got the pink cloud. I am trudging through the muck day by day staying sober. I'm not a very happy person and I am working on fixing that through therapy and lots of body work and trying to find out what GOD means to me. But, I see that other people have been through this, and came through the other side. So I keep working at it.
So, if you are struggling and think that this is the hardest thing you've ever done, I will say yep it is. But it will be very rewarding when you walk through the fire and come out the other side. I believe that even though I am not there yet. I've seen other women do it. I want happiness and peace and serenity more than anything, so I keep trying. Don't ever give up.
Thank you for your honesty. I think it helps reading that sobriety isn't always amazing and easy. I feel like sometimes people in my program are on a constant pink cloud and it is off-putting. I am glad they were able to find happiness so quickly. I have to be happy for them and maybe look at them as hope that I can get better. I think life is just tough in general and "living life on life's terms" not MY terms is a huge challenge.