Thank you all for thoughtful responses.
I guess the only thing that bothers me is that somehow XAH is using me again for emotional support, as well as inviting himself to the "better parts of our life". He was trying to sneak into our fall break beach vacation - I said no to that - and maybe another time, and that he needs to pay for a half of it (which will never happen cause he is always broke)
Also, he is very vocal about "missing our traditions and vacations", but not so eager to join in when I need help caring for a sick child. Just seems very self centered to me IMO
Good idea about time limits, I will also ask him to purchase groceries and maybe even cook - this way I don't spend time and money on him.