He went to Rehab, but I'm sad
Long story short, I am a male (28), who has been dating a another male (29) for the past 4.5 years. Approximately two years ago, his drinking got really bad. Several suicidal incidents and emergency detoxes later, following an intervention consisting of family and friends, he finally agreed to go to a Rehab in Florida which his mother chose (we live in NJ in separate homes).
It has been approximately two days and I am extremely sad, confused, and worried. I have set up a therapy session, I am channeling my feelings into exercise, and work, but nothing is enough.
One thing that enrages him is when I speak with his mother, because it makes him feel we are working against him. Well, long story short he left extremely angry with me and didn't even look at me during nor after the intervention. He left to Florida without a goodbye--not even a text. A week before that, we had our biggest fight ever, where things got physical for the first time. He initiated the entire exchange, for my part, I slammed him on the ground after he choked me and punched me while he was extremely intoxicated. I usually have great restraint but I lost it after weeks of trying to convince him go to rehab. He is super sensitive but I said some terrible terrible things that night. I also called the police twice within that final week to try and have him committed after finding suicide notes and ropes etc. He said, all of this was unforgivable. We made up, or so I thought, but then a few days later he reiterated that it was unforgivable and that he needs to "think about this relationship". I was devastated, but I told him to just go, don't think, because it's over until he enters recovery. This was partly because I knew his mother was planning an intervention, and this way I didn't feel bad about attending behind his back.
My concern is that when he gains sober clarity, he will hate me, not forgive me, and stay in Florida. I am clearly not innocent, but after years of tip toeing around and allowing him to talk to me any sort of way, lie, cheat, and manipulate me, I feel that one night of reacting to his alcoholism is forgivable with a rational mind. I guess I'm just here to gain a better understanding and hopefully find someone who understands this sort of situation. I used to speak to him every day, now I don't know when I will hear from him again. This is so painful. He is no doubt detoxing right now, so I won't even have a chance to hear from him for 3-10 days.