That's just the thing sweetichick, I don't "have the balls" to say no and I am trying to learn that. As Glimer pointed out, this is a perfect, low stakes opportunity for me to practice. Certainly it gets more difficult saying no to friends you truly care about, work mates you want to impress, etc.
And yes, this is not just religion, I also had the Folletto vacuum cleaner man in my house for over two hours once trying to sell me his product. I give money to everyone who stops at my door asking for money. That I actually don't mind so much because they re usually refugees and that is a cause close to my heart so I legitimately want to give, but there was one guy who pushed it a little too far and started asking for more and more, €5 wasn't enough, I gave him an iPhone (an old one I wasn't using) and he came back some months later asking for another one as he had given that one to his sister. I felt really uncomfortable and bad I couldn't help him. That I could even handle because the only negative there was the I was unable to do something (I didn't have another phone I could give) so saying "no" came out easier. But I see now saying yes to the vacuum cleaner person may have been my idea of being nice at the time but really wasn't nice because I wasted two hours of his time. Saying yes to the religious people is not nice because I am giving them the impression they might convert me. I am afraid I will end up doing what I always do which is to say yes yes yes until I just can't take it anymore (for example will be pressed to attend a church meeting or something) and will just blow up and it will come as a huge surprise and then really seem rude.
This has gotten me into trouble in the past at work. I say yes and yes and yes and overextend myself or take on something I am unequipped to handle and then end up messing everything up. We could take it even further to times in the past I have said yes to intimacy with a man that I wasn't entirely convinced about. It has many consequences both great and small.
As Dee points out, a big part of it is the idea that anyone would dislike me. Which is silly, I am fully aware that not everyone likes me and that is ok, but I always do try to do my best to be "likeable"
Another issue is just pure frustration. It is downright annoying to be in the middle of cleaning my house, a project or just relaxing and have someone interrupt my day. Once in a blue moon, ok, but it is now really frequent. And again, this is all my own fault for giving them the impression that their visits are welcome and ok. I can't be upset at them, this is my doing.
Anyway, I plan on staying at work and exercising every day during my lunch break this week, so it will be Saturday when I see them again, and I am pretty certain they will show up. I need to prepare myself for this conversation now because I really need to take care of this. I need to remember too that it is going to be extra difficult only due to my own mistakes. Had I just said "no thanks" from the get-go I think it would have been a lot easier. The fact is I made them think it was ok to stop by for going on a year now and it is only my feigned interest that has encouraged them to bring bigger and bigger books and stop by more frequently. The conversation is going to be more difficult because it will come as a surprise that I am not interested in their religion (vacuum cleaner/refugee plight/sex/drinking) in the least bit- but again, that is all my fault. If I learn to say no at the beginning I won't get myself into these situations.